so, i had this conversation with my mother earlier this week, and we ended up talking about my smoking habit. basically, her telling me (of course) that i should quit because it's not good yada yada yada… which i already know. and believe me, i often think of quitting for all those reasons, but i just don't want to right now, and it's that simple. well, of course, it's not that simple, but y'know.

well, i ended up trying to explain to my mother why i smoke, which forced me, in the process to admit to myself why i smoke. or at least to attempt to figure out why i continue to do this to myself. mainly what i came up with is that i know it's bad for me, unhealthy, but since i'm not happy with my physical being right now — i'm lazy, i'm getting fat, tired all the time, always oversleeping. let's just say that psychologically i'm not in a good place, because i'm neglecting my physical self, and i'm neglecting my physical self because i'm not, psychologically, in a good place. basically, what i told her was that i didn't feel like i deserved to treat my body any better than i am.

but don't you worry 'bout me, i'm just having a little personal crisis here, and i'm sure, like puffin, it'll all get a little better when the weather gets a little warmer.

and yeah, jessie won the big contest, so we'll be putting her bipolar redesign up hopefully by mid-next week… assuming i can find any free time in which to work on all the little things that need to be done. but, it looks great, and you'll all be pleasantly surprised once we've done away with all this black and these skulls. i know i will be.

my sister is still kicking my ass at this posting thing, and thankfully she's had a few moments to write some longer posts in the past few days. it's nice to be able to keep up with her life this way since she seems to be able to write email to my roommates and my friends but not to me. sorry, just had to get in a little dig there sis. i know, i haven't written you either… i'm a bad brother.

well, there are, perhaps, other things i could say… but i won't. it's late and i'm tired. good night all.