how do you convince yourself to stop? your heart gets involved and no matter how hard you try, you still want the things you've been wanting all along.

it sounds so easy to take a step back. be friends. lay off. let it ride past. don't let it bother you.

but it bothers me. what bothers me is the finality. and this turns me into a broken record.

i mean…i can't even talk or write about it anymore. my head has just become such an unintelligible mish mash of hurt and longing that it's ridiculous.

i try to make sense of it, and then i realize that there is no sense to be made. "get over it" they say. "move on." well…i may have mentioned that i'm finding it nearly impossible to turn my back on the one girl who has ever completely blown me away on all the levels that this one has. i don't know that i can ever win in this situation. it's frustrating as hell. for all that i've ever mattered to someone, i just want to believe that i have a fighting chance.

i've attacked the borders of france with croissants.

i've wished on stars, even saying please.

i've admitted fault. i've taken blame.

i've said everything i can, a hundred times over.

and i'm still left wishing you'd come back.