Since one of the staples of Brian's normal participation in Bipolar is work-related complaints, I figure I'll fill that void with some of my own. I currently have a fairly cushy job at the University of Illinois Ice Arena as a supervisor, but unfortunately, the ice rink will be closed for the bulk of May and June. This means Sebastian needs a summer job just like ol' Andrew WK needs a cock-punch (Apparently he was on Loveline and Politically Incorrect last night – whoop-te-doo).

I was originally going to work at either UPS or FedEx, as both pay well, but my girlfriend is none too pleased with their possible hours, so that is a last possible resort. I checked out a similar opportunity with something called "Supervalu" but the sheer expanse of their parking lot and warehouse scared me in some deep, existentially threatening way. So the contenders right now are… the trio of Borders/Best Buy/Circuit City, for whom I picked up applications… IMPE (the more "gym" oriented wing of Campus Recreation)… and Hollywood Video (which is two blocks away and already in possession of my application.

The problems are as follows. 1. When a place says, "We're always accepting applications!" this means that they are not currently hiring. I know because that's what I tell people here. I believe all three of Borders/Best Buy/Circuit City all said that phrase. 2. I'm comfortable in my current work environment. I know everybody, I know what I'm doing, etc. IMPE wouldn't be too big of a switch, but… 3. I need money. Most of these jobs are minimum wagey. Bleh.

To add some humor into this work related diatribe, here are some of the funniest things I've heard people ask me at ye olde ice rink. 16 year old kid from Christian Broomball party at midnight on a Saturday… "Where is your potty room?" Asian guy asking for skates.. "Do you have size 917?" "Where is the ice?" In addition, pretty much anything at 5:30am on a Saturday is funny.

I have a day off in New Orleans. I love NYC, but this town knows how to party. Apparently, US currency gets exchanged for cheap plastic beads upon entrance to the "Big Easy," but I don't have any problem with this. I just walk around going "Man, she's beautiful" and "Fuck, she is beautiful" while chicks show me their tits and get me wet.

Some people have posed the question of whether or not I am serious. I am most certainly serious. I do everything to the greatest extent possible. I live life without boundaries. My music is based upon this foundation. I re-recorded my vocals until it sounded like I was vomiting out most lines, since that is quite intense. I believe that just by hearing I Get Wet, you will get wet, and that is a great thing. If my music is not your thing, that is fine. Just party till you puke with whatever you like and we'll be bros in the morning.

Would you like some cocaine?

Sebastian pondered if I ever shower. I only shower when I have pussy on my face and then I shower in cheap beer. My tour bus has running Bud Light on tap, so I said, "Why not in the showers?" and they installed it.

People wanted me to review records. I listen to almost everything, so this isn't too hard. My review scale is ***** = Ready to die, **** = Parties till it Pukes, *** = Parties Hard, ** = It better be time to party soon, and * = Got wet from broken colostomy bag.

Here are two records.

Mates of State: Our Constant Concern – Rating=**. I can only guess that these two people fuck a lot because they're married and their music doesn't rock too much. I make my most rocking music when I haven't shot my load lately (all slow jams for the next album), so all of this stuff seems like what you would listen to after you're done partying and getting wet. I never stop, so I don't know what that feeling would be like, but I'm guessing this would work for it. Their first album had fuller production, which I liked, while this one has too much free space.

Girls Against Boys: You Can't Fight What You Can't See: Rating=****. I should tour with these guys, because they seem to know how to party. Their keyboard/bass player used to wear a shirt that said "picture this shirt wet," which is cool, but also why they don't get *****. It should be "this t-shirt is wet." "Bulletproof Cupid," "Learned It," and "Crash 17" all showed how they used to be ready to die and ready to kill, but now they're just partying real hard, which is good, but not totally soaking wet. "All the Rage" and "Resonance" are covered in puke. It's a good record for the first 10 hours of a party, but when it comes to the home stretch, I'd rather have my record or Puff Daddy's rock remix of "All About the Benjamins."

Keep chatting with me at andrewwkillyou on AIM. I'm mainly off partying, but leave a message and I'll get back to you.

It seems like the response to our "friend" Andrew W.K. has been positive, so I'll stop with my pleas to Brian to rescind his Blogger access. I just wish he'd wash that one white t-shirt he wears. Shit dude, aren't showers included in getting wet?

Since I'm a nice guy and content is fun, here are some band
s I have recently taken photographs of: Shiner, Milemarker, Fugazi, Schatzi, Poster Children, and Absinthe Blind.

If you happen to need the right fist for the Transformer Predaking, or hell, if you just think it would look threatening as a pendant, feel free to bid on my item.

And of course, the reader participation part of the program. 1. What brand / model of 27" tv should I buy with my tax refund? 2. Do I need a Playstation 2? 3. What's the best Zeppelin album? Answers can be posted in the comments link or IM'd to winder18.

er, well, how 'bout an easy way to look up the meaning of "life"? i've been working on a bookmarklet for dictionary.com word lookups (a bit on Friday, and a little more today), and have finally gotten the kinks worked out. since Microsoft refuses to do things according to established standards, i had a bugger of a time getting this thing to work in IE (had it up & running in Mozilla in about 5 minutes). but, it does work in both browsers now–and Netscape 4.75! oh, and if anyone is willing to test this on a Mac, please let me know how it works.

anyway, on to the thingy.

Lookup

to "install" this, just follow your normal routines for adding a link to your bookmarks/toolbar–either just drag it up there and drop it on your toolbar, or do the right-click "add bookmark" thing.

Now, the beauty of this beast is that you can (on a non-frames-based page–it won't work on bipolar…) use your mouse to select any word (or words) you like, click this bookmark, and voila!–a page pops up with the dictionary.com definition of the selected text.

enjoy!

*update*: of course, silly me did not think to check dictionary.com's site to see if they already had a bookmarklet, so, of course they do. but, on the bright side, mine is much more functional than theirs, so–nyah nyah!

plus, i've gone ahead and incorporated their little "enter a word to lookup" thing into mine, so now, if you don't select any text, you'll get a popup box asking you to input a word (this is great if you need to look up a word from a frames-based page). then, if you still don't enter a word (i.e. you hit "cancel") you won't be directed to the site at all… it'll be as if you never clicked the bookmark in the first place (except that you'll be a few seconds older). if anyone would rather have the option of still getting a dictionary.com window (even if you don't enter a word in the pop-up) let me know and i can fix it to do that as well.

if you grabbed the bookmark between 11:56 and 1:00 PM, be sure to grab it again, so you can enjoy the new functionality.

ok. i've now officially wasted enough time.

well, with all this excitement here around ye olde bipolar, coupled with Nathan's constant whining about my lack of posts, i guess i better jump on this crazy train or be left forever behind.

of course, the big problem with having a weblog is having a consistent stream of interesting tidbits to post about, but since i don't have that in my life currently, i guess i'll just have to post about some really stupid shit until something better comes along or i get some groundbreaking idea that will shake the foundations of our society.

anyway, so, i've finally started playing the game i bought about a month ago, and i've been enjoying it. yet another game that promises to suck away what little life i currently live. yay!

today i finally started pulling together some packaging ideas for our demo (don't wanna go handing out unprofessional demo CDs, now, do we?), and as soon as i get something finalized i'll probably post some images for you all to see.

and since brian's off in rock-star land, i guess i should mention that i enjoyed the show on Friday, and, like Paul, i was happy for brian that he did well.

oh, and the June 4th show may be on again… right now it's tentative, but we're planning on having a show with us, Old Man (the puffin's band), and Telavet. we'll keep you posted.

that's it. that's all i've got. if i think of anything else, especially anything that might be interesting, i'll be sure to let you know.

My pockets are filled with cocaine. Here, have some. So are my armpits, but that is my stash.

As Sebastian said, my AIM name is andrewwkillyou. I am rarely on it, since my normal day consists of partying, partying harder, puking, getting wet, and then restarting the cycle. I do like to hear about your partying, so drop me a line.

My new video for "She is Beautiful" is absolute art. It is Andrew W.K. to the greatest extreme. Its extremity is shocking in just how far past normal extremeocity it is. You will get wet from watching this video and probably without even trying. In just three minutes, it will show you just how wet I get.

Please use the comments to vote for my next single. I am leaning toward either "Fun Night" or "I Love NYC," but suggestions will add to the party.

So will cocaine. Really, you should have some. It's high-quality.

I will start reviewing other people's records tomorrow on the patented Andrew W.K. scale.

Off to party, bros.

Ben emailed me to say that Brian got pretty drunk last night at their first show of the tour, but he was nowhere near death. He only needed to get his stomach pumped twice, and after that, the doctors gave him a nice lollipop, so he was happy from there on out. Unfortunately, in the midst of his drunken stupor, Brian tried to fight Chris for his share of the drink tickets, and Chris and the rest of KWH locked him in the van until Brian remembered how to use door handles again. Overall, this is better than either Brian or I expected, so rock on, Brian.

Brian's cat just gave birth to kittens (Awww…), so we're lining them up to be Bonzai Kittens, so he could take a few on the next tour. It's so much easier to deal with cats in jar form.

Andrew W.K., who is a new poster here and a slobnoxious one at that, periodically comes on IM as andrewwkillyou. Add him to your buddy list and tell him to stop partying and wash his shirt.

greetings, my children, your puffin has returned! since brian is going to be out playing rock star for a few weeks, i have come out of blogging retirement as one of the fabulous guest posters. how the fuck brian got andrew w.k. to join in the fun i'll never know (and yes, he is your mother/father).

last night, i went out for some good ol' ramsi's food with the rasnastic one (look, he's over there —>), the norm and his gal-friday, lisa. the food was better than usual, but i thought the norm was going to pull a bruce banner on the waitress when she told him that he didn't want the type of wine that he ordered. "it's cheap and nasty" was her excuse. i chimed in that he loves cheap and nasty. of course the norm's reply was "well, what do i want?!" you gotta hate opinionated servers, that's why i stick to beer kids.

after that we hit the rud to see brian's rock 'n' roll debut. the first act showed up late and took forever to set up. they were… o.k. the second act was… o.k. telavet went on third and of course they rocked (scotty b. was actually loud enough to be heard, which is a good thing). next was the kilowatt hours with brian. i did not heckle my boy like wanted to, which is surprising 'cause i was pretty fucking smashed. the boy did well and i was proud. i'm looking forward to the vh1: behind the music on this tour.

cheers.

:

I am your mother/father.

i'm sitting here, listening to a playlist of kilowatthours songs that i've rearranged into a prospective "set list," trying to memorize the song titles with the songs, that way whenever i end up looking at a real setlist i won't sit there thinking "how the fuck does this one go?" it doesn't help that we don't go by the album titles on some of the songs. bet you can't figure out which songs are referred to as "dead" and "dan is…"

and now i'm just utterly exhausted. two straight days of intense band practice and i think i've got a solid handle on the material. let's just say it's incredibly rough momrizing an album and a half of material in…a day and a half. we'll be playing through a set or two before we load the van up, so hopefully that'll be all i need. if not? well…i'm fucked. but i'm going to go to sleep to this shit if i have to.

on the fun side of things, most of the "guest hosts" have been set up and locked in. some of the posters will be unknown to most, but this is, after all, just to amuse me whenever i can check in from the road. that and to "drive away any audience we might have," as has been stated at least once over the past couple of days. so with the first show later tonight and us leaving early saturday morning, this will be my last post for a while. bring on the dancing monkeys…

"let it begin."