brian gets drunk and makes a giant ass of himself (vol. 3, chapter 472):

scott and i set out to have a fun evening of drinking and socializing, last night. we dropped off some stuff with johnny that he had left over here, then we jetted over to the rud to catch a friend's band (party girls). we hung out there for a while, then we decided it was time to hit the bar. we got to the well at around 12:30 and there really weren't that many people there. scott and i then decided to go grab some booze and drink at home at a discounted price…free (aside from the original price of the alcohol).

on the way back to the car we ran into our awesome friend kelly, who invited us to a midnight pool party. scott and i were pretty determined to get our drink on, so we told kelly we'd give her a call. that was the first mistake of the evening: never tell someone you'll call them if you plan on doing a lot of drinking first. chances are…you're gonna forget to call. either that or you're drunk dialing, and that's bad news, as well.

so…we got home and sat out on the back porch, drinking and shooting the shit, and enjoying the onset of summer. scott and i have decided to stop feeling so old and have a fun summer, this year. cookouts, back porch drinking marathons…we're gonna have to get matt and paul over here more often. good times, for sure.

scott and i decided to amble back down to the well to see if anyone was there. it was a bit more crowded when we walked in at around 2am, this time. elizabeth was still there, so we sat around and talked about whatever. second mistake: get really drunk and talk to pretty girls. chances are you're only making an ass of yourself. that's never a good thing.

scott ditched out and went for a walk to cahoots, then he dropped back in, hung out for a bit, and headed home. i stayed parked at the bar, hanging out to see if john would show up. right around the time i had given up on that and was getting out of my stool to make my way home, paul cruised in. i was literally off my stool and getting ready to head to the door. there's a cardinal rule in life: the party's not over if paul is still there. so i sat my ass back down and hung out with the illustrious puffin. a couple of beers and shots of beam later (the puffin is nothing, if not a tank), they were kicking us all out. i said my goodbyes and headed home.

you'd think being at home alone (except for the cat and a sleeping scott), it'd be hard to make much of an ass of myself. you'd think i'd be home, done, and ready for bed. well…you'd be thinking wrong. i called one friend and left a really drunk message on her voice mail. i ended up talking to another friend and lost all ability to make sense. fifteenth mistake: alcohol and phones just don't mix. if you're gonna drink, don't dial. if you're gonna dial…don't drink.

so…to cap this off, i'm issuing a blanket apology to everyone involved. i'm sincerely sorry, and i promise not to do it again…until later tonight.