it's 5:30 in the morning. i'm sitting up, waiting to see if my cousin gives me a call, needing me to take him home. he just wandered off, trying to find some of his friends…

i had just turned in to get some sleep about an hour ago. the lights were off, i think i may have even been asleep. the phone rang. i thought it was the girlfriend calling back, for one reason or another, since i hadn't talked to her that long before. nope. my cousin. he's ridiculing me for being asleep. i can't figure out what his deal is, then he tells me he's down front. and drunk. so i go down to see what the big deal is. he was hanging with some friends and they were bringing him down. since he was in the neighborhood, he decided to wander over to my place.

he was a little upset with life. upset that he's not doing what he feels like he wants to do with his life. it hit really close to home, considering i was sitting in the car thinking exactly the same thing, the other day. i have a decent job. i have a wonderful girlfriend. yet…i don't feel like i'm doing what i want to do.

we talked about this and the fact that it's so hard to find what you really want to do in the world, these days. it's so easy to lock yourself into playing a role that might not necessarily be yours. talent and the application of those talents are two different worlds, it seems. would the world's greatest painter worry about how he would go down in history? would he fret about how to coast through life on his painting ability? or would he just paint?

my cousin hasn't called, but i think i'll still be up for a while, yet.