what's up with that funny name of yours?
well, as a child, i was constantly picked on. mercilessly. i was such a loser. i had no friends. so nobody really knew my name and everyone just called me asshole. one day in the seventh grade, these big meanies threw a spitball at me. i opened it and it said asshole. well, my reading skills weren't so good, so when i read it out loud, i said "ash hole". the whole class laughed, including the teacher, and the nickname ash just stuck. i really don't like to relive that whole incident though, so let's move on.

do you know the difference between a donkey and a mule? if so…what is it?
yes. i, ash, am a donkey. you, brian, are a mule.

which one of us is a jackass, then?
it is definitely me, ash. but you're getting there. by the way, my alter ego, the real ash is jealous. he wants to play seven questions. too bad, huh?

if you could talk george lucas into writing a character into the new star wars trilogy bearing your name, what kind of character would he be?
well, i'd want my namesake to be a little different than me. so, let's say i'd want him to be a sexy guy that gets all the ladies. okay, maybe just a lady. oh, and i'd like him to be a man. you know, so people don't get us confused.

what's the worst name someone ever called you and why?
dave. because i was in bed with my lover, enrico. he thought, in a drunken stupor, that i was my brother. that was a harsh period of time, after they went public with their relationship and made a cuckold of me.

would you say your girlfriend was stupid for dating you? or smart? why?
let's just say that my girlfriend is the most gorgeous woman alive with the most amazing breasts imaginable. we won't focus on her shortcomings, like her poor taste in men.

are you a public nosepicker or a private one?
i pick anywhere, everywhere. it's a natural biological function. i don't understand the social hang up about it myself.

[ash aiwase posts semi-regularly at the toast and tea blog. his girlfriend, however, likes to impersonate him and write papers on drug policy perform. they both make me laugh on a regular basis.]