so, what have i been up to the past couple weeks…

well, amazingly enough, i've been planning for a trip to france to visit my sister (who hasn't updated her blog in quite a while…). i've finally managed to drag out the Berlitz "Basic French" cassette learning program i bought on remainder at Hawley-Cooke a couple years ago, and i've been listening to them regularly for the past two weeks or so. the first week, i think i probably heard four times as many words in french than i heard in english. now, my big project is digitizing the four tapes in the program and making MP3s out of them, so i can take them to work and listen without having to drag a cassette player and headphones everywhere i go. of course, i've primarily been just listening and figuring out the sound of french. i haven't gotten into the writing or vocabulary study yet. so, if anyone gets the bright idea to write me an email in french… i'm not quite ready for that yet. but hopefully, by the time July rolls around, i'll have at least a passable knowledge of the language. i may look like a fool in france, but at least i'll look like a fool who's trying to be polite.

i also finally finished the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which i kicked off with "The Hobbit" back during christmas at my grandmother's, and i just cracked open the introduction to "The Iliad."

i've been hanging out with brian quite a bit more recently, which i enjoy. we've actually been throwing around some ideas for a screenplay, since we have a commitment from a friend of ours to "shoot whatever" we write. of course, then we also had a conversation with another person a "playwright" apparently, who was asking us all kinds of questions about sub-stories, and plot-driving stories and all that jazz. this is something i'm rather torn on. i can't say that i've ever consciously tried to write anything using sub-stories, but have relied more on the primary story and the characters themselves to drive the plots… such as they were. anyway, i think we've come up with some good ideas, now we just need to corral them into a story.

my band and i have finally buckled down and gotten a digital recorder–rent-to-own style. after talking with some knowledgeable friends, i'm more satisfied that we made a good choice picking up the one we did (being the only one presented to us and immediately available) and that we'll not regret the (ongoing) purchase. hopefully, it'll allow us to finally make a decent recording and get some demos out to whomever the hell it is that books shows around these parts. also, it's entirely conceivable that i might throw a couple tracks on the site (probably once we get to the permanent server) so that anyone with a healthy masochistic bent can listen to "the prick" all they want. also hopefully, it'll allow us to get some gigs and actually start playing out. if we get really lucky, maybe we'll get Old Man (paul's band) to let us play with them (or vice versa).

ok. y'know what? it's late, and my boss bitched me out this morning for being late, so i'd better close this up and get my irresponsible ass to bed.

au revoir! a bientot!

ok. so, technically, i missed the deadline for the end of the year blowout post. we'll just have to make do.

the new year is already on us, and i can't help but feeling that i barely noticed the old one passing. if it weren't for the fact that i have to put my coat on just to go out and smoke, and that even inside the house, my fingers are always cold, i'd be hard pressed to believe you if you told me it was winter. top that off with the fact that the seasonal depression that seemed to have affected me every year for the past 6 or more never did really grab hold of me this year, and things are just that much more surreal.

the only really major event in my personal life this year was the move out of the casa de bipolar, and into a newly christened casa de coffeemonk. one would think that such an event would have been enough to really drive home the concept of the passing of time, but the transition was so smooth and uneventful in itself, that i hardly noticed the change. of course, the unfortunate side-effect of the move has been the loss of hang-out time with my compadre brian over there to my left. on the positive side, i've been enjoying increased hang-out time with the old crew and getting to be closer friends with them all over again. and i've made some new friends that had formerly been (to me, anyway) outside of my normal circle, and welcomed them into the family.

on the romantic front, this past year has just been a continuation of the same barren wasteland of the year before. so, nothing to write about in that arena.

i hesitate to make any sort of new years resolution, not having ever made one before, but i believe that my life has reached a point where i will either have to make some drastic changes, or simply accept that there are some things over which i have no direct conscious control. i've let my writing slip for such a long time, that my typewriter and i are hardly on speaking terms anymore. i've been so remiss in maintaining my reading habits that the same 15 books that were sitting unread on my bookshelf at the beginning of the year are still there looking particularly unhappy. i've also become astoundingly lazy. but, my friends, changes… they are a'comin'.

already over the christmas break i read three books, so the reading muscles are once again getting primed to tackle those paperback copies of the Illiad and the Odyssey. I took my laptop to my grandmother's house over the break, and this time, i actually managed to turn it on, re-read some of the writings i'd been working on, and even to endeavor to add some lines to the story. the laziness thing will really be the tough nut, but i think i'm beginning to get sufficiently pissed off to the point that i'll soon be able to chastise myself into action.

so overall, the past year has been very very… blah–for the most part. but i have high hopes that this year will prove to be more fulfilling.

stay tuned.

yep. it's winter.

on the bright side, we've got a christmas tree up, we finally went out and bought some lights for it along with some other assorted lights–chintzy things that hang in the windows–as well as some stockings… three big ones for paul, brax, and i, and some little ones (two for the kitties, some others for "family" members). so, the house is feeling a little bit more festive now, with blinking lights that aren't necessarily attached to a clock, pieces of entertainment equipment, or computers.

the one thing i do miss at this time of year is a fireplace. there's something about coming in from the cold (spring-like, to be more accurate) winter weather, and sitting by the fire with a mug of hot chocolate and a book. item number one on the list of things whatever house i might eventually buy must have…

sounds like brian and scott are getting settled into the ol' homestead. i really need to get over there and visit them… call me a bastard (… alright, that's enough…) but i just can't seem to find the time or motivation to get out of this house to go visit friends. just another manifestation of that inadequacy i've always had in the "maintaining friendships" department. luckily, most of my friends are very forgiving or just more active.

the last several days i've been doing little piddly things behind the scenes of ye olde bipolar here, most of which aren't apparent, but hopefully i'll make enough progress to let you know about at least one of them here soon.

apparently, i'm entering hibernation mode… i slept way way way too much this weekend. i've gotta start doing stuff, or i'm just gonna sleep my life away.

since i didn't have a whole hell of a lot to do today at work (besides research & study), i took a few moments to make a couple minor changes to bipolar:

1. i finally figured out why cookies weren't working on the themes page in Netscape 4.x browsers. so that's fixed now. you netscape 4 people can now go to the themes page and set your themes cookie to your heart's content.

2. i added a bunch of DVDs to my new wishlist today, and have replaced the old amazon wishlist in the bipolar link menus with this new one. so everybody out there that would just love to buy me some stuff, get on it. now i just gotta remember to send the link to my dad (ie. someone who'll actually buy me something off of it.)

that's it for now. nothing real exciting happening.

well, i took a couple days off work last week (thurs. and fri.) for a little post-birthday mini-vacation at the ol' homestead. had a nice visit with my parents, and managed to not do a damned thing for two days straight. never even got dressed. i happily wandered about the house in my ratty robe, watched a little (ok, a lot of) TV, helped my little bro get his computer back in working order, and also taught him some guitar exercises to help hone his skills. of course, this is not to say that my skills are anything to write home about at this point, but i have picked up a few things here & there. altogether it was a very nice, fairly mentally healthy visit… my parents and i didn't get into a single argument. of course, we didn't talk about any "controversial" subjects either, but that's beside the point.

we (that is, the band and i, that is, lucifigous prick) attempted on sunday to get a recording by just mic'ing the practice room using a single mic and jim's crappy tascam 4-track cassette recorder. needless to say, the setup was sub-optimal. right now, we're hoping to copy-cat Old Man (that would be our dear blog-departed paul's musical concern with family funny-man neil) and rent a multi-track digital recorder so we can… i was about to say "do our songs justice," but i hardly think that applies… i'll just say "get a decent recording," and leave it at that.

but, at the very least, we do seem to be happy with the songs we've got so far, and everyone we've played them in front of has enjoyed them (at least, they've told us that…). we're thinking it's time we got out there to strut our stuff a little bit. we're also very seriously considering duping out whatever eventual "good" recording we can hack together, with the intent of supplying our friends with copies, sending them off to a bazillion independent labels, and possibly sneaking them onto the racks at the local record stores. perhaps i'll upload some tracks here for your listening pleasure as well.

but enough self-promotion and acting like i'm some silly rock star.

i've been attempting to motivate myself today (having nada to do at work) with getting a new (non-amazon-specific) wishlist together for the upcoming holiday season, but i can't think of a damned thing that i want and that anyone would be willing to purchase for me. not only that, but i can't think of any damned online stores to go to to even find the stuff i might want. i'm drawing a total blank. i'm never good a this sort of thing. but, i have installed the wishcentral.com bookmarklet in my browser, so now, whenever i find something i want, i can just click a little button and add it to my wishlist… wherever i am. ooh! i just thought of something! TDK Mojo MP3-CD Player. there's one thing.

anybody got any suggestions? what cool cheap stuff do i need?

ah well.

the puffin's gone now, it was fun while it lasted. if you do as brian says and , perhaps we can convince him to at least keep the a-go-go going as a record review repository. the man's got a taste and a knack for music, and his reviews to date have always been enjoyable reading in themselves. anyway, sad to see paul hang up the blogging hat, but sacrifices must be made sometimes in the interest of things you're more… uh… interested in. yeah.

fortunately, immediately after he wrote his last post, and shortly before i read the damned thing, i spent 15 or 20 minutes getting his archives fixed up real nice so they're accessible again. so, (and since i'm the proprietor of coffeemonk.com) we'll probably keep puffin-a-go-go up as long as we can, so you can all continue to visit and seek its wisdom.

anyway, i've given my assurances to the concerned mr. hall that i have no intention of turning bipolar into an unbalanced "unipolar" (his words, folks… well, i added the "unbalanced" part). i won't lie. i may be sporadic as fuck, as i have been in the recent past, but i'll keep doing it until my stalkers finally corner me and chain me up in their basement (or, y'know, i really get sick of the whole thing).

boy. what the hell kind of post was that?

well, so much for that three-day streak, huh? bah.

it seems like a lot has happened since the last post, but i think i mainly didn't post because i was so involved in trying to get my new computer set up properly. when i get involved in a project i tend to get a little too focused. anyway, so nathan (who i mentioned in the last post) came down for a visit with the crew this past weekend and a good time was had by all. i survived another swing of the hatchet at my place of work, and have another new supervisor and a different "team." i'm still doing the same job, it's just names and group affiliations that have changed. as i mentioned, i got that new computer set up, but wednesday night i got really stupid and decided to try to upgrade the motherboard BIOS… this had exactly the opposite effect from what i'd hoped it would have. rather than making my system magically faster and better, it actually made it not work at all. funny, that. anyway, a quick email to the motherboard manufacturer, and i've been assured a new BIOS chip is on the way.

another thing i found out today, from my former supervisor and smoking buddy at work, is that my crush thinks i'm cute! apparently, my supervisor talked to one of her (my crush's) friends about my interest in her (my crush) and that person then told her. apparently, she said something along the lines of "oh, don't you remember, he's the one i told you i thought was cute." and also, apparently, her friend told her that she "needed to do something about" the whole boyfriend thing. who knows, something might come of this after all. i guess this means i'll have to start taking more showers and dressing a little better again. oh, and as i told paul, i'll have to start running again.

here's a list of things i told paul that i needed to either start doing, or stop doing:

1. quit smoking — it really sucks and makes me feel like crap about 85% of the time.
2. quit eating such big meals. — even when i don't intend to, i usually end up getting more food than i technically need, then, because i paid for it, i feel like i have to eat it.
3. start running — self explanatory, considering the above two items.
4. stop waking up — really, if you think about it, waking up is the primary reason that we have bad days. if we didn't wake up, we wouldn't really have a bad day now, would we? that waking up shit is for the birds.

i think that was about it. but now that i'm sitting here, writing this, and my eyes feel like they're burning because i'm tired and they've been open too long, i realize that i need to add one more thing to that list.

5. start getting to bed on time — this might help with the whole waking up thing… perhaps my days would go better if i were more lucid throughout them.

anyway, it's beddybye time. 'night folks.

well, it's been a crazy week so far. things at work have been hectic and chaotic. lots of stuff to do around here, and at times it seems like a lot of it is sliding my way. not that i think i'm the only one doing any work, but it just feels like i have a lot on my plate. combine that with the fact that, once again, i don't seem to be getting enough sleep, and you can understand how frazzled i feel i'm getting.

but, i did get the themes thing finished in a record 3 days, so i feel pretty good about that. also, i've added two (sort-of) new themes, so if you haven't been to the themes page in a couple days, check it out. the low tech theme is just what it says (if you discount all the scripting going on in the background, that is). i've also added a "random" theme, so you can set that and get a different design each time you visit.

wow, all this stuff is coming out a little flat sounding to me… i've been fighting off sleep all day at work… ugh. i'm supposed to be going running with paul tonight, but i think i'm going to just go home and rest. maybe read a little. maybe just sleep.

ah. i did something very high-schoolish a few days ago. i went to talk to the secretary at work, to sign a get well card for one of my co-workers, and while i was there, asked her what she knew about jenny (the girl i have a crush on). it was funny how her (the secretary's) eyes lit up and she had this big grin on her face. well, turns out she does have a boyfriend, but the secretary isn't sure how serious they are. her advice: "give it a few weeks." i'm still not sure what to think about this whole thing. i mean, should i even bother?

but this kind of ties into some of these conversations i've been having lately. women are asking me, "why aren't you dating anybody?" "you're a handsome guy, you should have a girlfriend." and of course, then i have to tell them about how picky i am, and how shy i am, and how really, at this point (due to the fact that i've put on a few pounds in the last year or so) i'm just not comfortable enough with how my body looks, to actually go up and seriously talk to someone i'd like to date. that's part of the reason for this big exercise kick i've been on (ie. i'm actually exercising for the first time in years), i have to get comfortable with myself, before i can expect anyone to be comfortable with me.

ok. but no exercising tonight. tonight is rest night, tonight is early bedtime night.

themes

or something.

so, as you might have been reading, here and on the a-go-go it's been an interesting, pleasantly eventful weekend. where do i start? perhaps i should just summarize.

  friday: birthday dinner with brian and co. seeing as we were eating in an italian restaurant, i came to the realization that it would be really cool to be a mafia boss. someone pointed out that mafia boss's wives are almost always ugly, mean, and/or flamboyant nouveau riche hags. yet another point was made that mafia bosses quite often have a plethora of pretty young mistresses interested only in your money and power. and y'know, sometimes, that sounds like it would be really nice. and, in a flamboyant move of my own that played into the whole mafia boss feeling i was having, i bought dinner for everyone. yes, i am flaunting that, but keep in mind i also have only $30 left to my name until payday.
  afterwards, i worked quite a bit on some changes to bipolar. (oh, i'm not going to spoil it yet. you've gotta read on.)

  saturday: slept until 3pm. had lunch with brian. brax & i went to meet paul so they could get some dinner, then we hung out at the house for the majority of the night (later to be joined by my friend nicole), playing zombies ate my neighbors, watching saturday night live, drinking (me – beam & pepsi, brax & paul – beer), then heading to the twig later for some of the oft-mentioned "louisville paul brown" (a.k.a. ky hot brown).
  afterwards, i worked quite a bit more on some changes to bipolar. (ah… not yet.)

  sunday: as brian mentioned i was still up (working on those changes) when he went to work around 8:30am. i decided that since the sun was up, it would probably be a good idea to get some sleep. got back up at 2:00pm or so, lounged around the house in my bathrobe, sat out on the back porch and smoked, and… worked quite a bit on those changes to bipolar. indeed, with the exception of an hour and a half trying to sort my way through a convoluted thread about Amiga on slashdot, i spent almost the entire day until 3:30a.m. working on those damned changes.

and let me guess… you didn't even notice did you?

it is possible that the more observant of you will have noticed the addition of a couple links to that dropdown links box up there at the top… way down there at the bottom. see that? well, "webcam" you may already be familiar with, but that "themes" link… that's it. that's what i've spent the past unholy amount of time working on. so click it already.

or finish reading first, whatever. anyway, it's something that i mentioned a while ago–the ability to choose your favorite bipolar design, rather than having our whims and fancies foisted upon you. overall, i'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out and how it works. the only exception to this is the fact that for some reason, i can't get netscape to set the damn cookie. so those of you who are holding out, keeping the faith against the evil corporation, well, you gotta do it the hard way for now. (it's all explained somewhat on the themes page). but, if any of you are PHP gurus, please please please if you know anything about why netscape is being a bitch about setting cookies, please let me know. you have no idea how much i HATE having to say that a microsoft product actually does something better.

well, there's a bunch of other stuff i could write about, like all the great conversations i've had this past week, with co-workers and friends and what-have-you. but i've wasted enough "computrons" (as a co-worker likes to say) as it is, and you need to go have fun playing with the new themes (and breaking them and telling me about it). oh, and at the moment, it's not real obvious about how to get back to the main bipolar page, so just move that mouse up to the upper left corner of the page after you choose your swanky new bipolar theme.

peace.

well, after a thankfully brief, but very absurd struggle with some javascript code, i've finished adding the dotcomments scripts to bipolar. so, now you can tell us what you think without having to deal with all that messy email or aim stuff. just click on the word comments at the bottom of each post, and gab away. also, for those of you who've been with us for a while, the scripts have been applied retroactively (thanks to the magic of blogger), so you can go back through the archives and comment on your favorite posts from the past.

and thus, bipolar becomes less like a podium, and more like a circle jerk… er… community.

interact and enjoy.

gah. i am such a putz. i have no game whatsoever. none.

the girl here at work that i've got a crush on was out having a cigarette break when me and my buddies were out there, and when she left she left her lighter and smokes where she was sitting. my group manager picked 'em up and brought 'em to me. stuck 'em in my pocket and basically told me that it was up to me to return them to her. he said that she "left them on purpose."

so, what do i do when i find her, i walk up to her with the cigarettes held in front of me like a shield. her response, "oh, did i leave those? i guess i was in a hurry to get out of here." i think i paused for a half-second after she said "thank you," and i'd said "you're welcome." then i turned around and walked back up the stairs. so much for that opportunity.

guess i'll have to locate those balls i seem to have misplaced. i know they're around here somewhere.

meanwhile, thousands of miles away from the hall of justice, our hero's gentle chiding seems to have paid off. the lovely sharon has posted not once, but twice. and, she's also gotten a comments feature set up as well. s'funny cause just the other night, brian was telling me "hey, we should try to put dotcomments or blogvoices or something on our site" (which, of course, doesn't mean we at all, but me). well, it's an interesting idea, perhaps i'll get to it when i have a spare moment.

oh, and my sister has officially laid claim to all my "cool" stuff in the event of my death. hate to tell ya sis, but i don't think paul's going to be able to kill me with a little weekly run. now, if he tried to make me run for two hours straight, then yeah, we might have a problem. but i think i'm doing pretty well, considering i haven't exercised on any kind of regular basis since like '92.

well, another day goes by without revealing myself to my crush. of course, my manager also revealed some information he'd dug up unbeknownst to me, but on my behalf. she apparently "has a boyfriend," but would "be interested" to hear that i'm interested in her. what exactly the hell all this means, i don't know. the big question would be, do i have a shot, or not. why the hell would i even approach a girl who has a boyfriend? do i want another female friend? no, not necessarily. i'm quite happy with the friends i have, and they're hard enough to manage (that's in a good way, guys). i don't need another. i'm definitely looking for more than a friend.

ah well, i'll work up the courage eventually. i hope.