brian: why did your parents name you sebastian?
sebastian: I think it had something to do with the fact that it means "Child of mammoth ass-kicking potential" in Italian.

the beatles or the stones?
That's a tough one, espcially without the third option of "Foghat" which generally goes with the question. Those two bands are influential, well loved, and critically renowned, but they didn't write "Slow Ride," and aren't classified as "Boogie Rock" in the All Music Guide, so I'm going to have to go for Foghat on this one.

are you an "indie prick" or a "wussy emo boy?"
That's a fairly easy question, seeing as my column is named "Indie Prick Digest," but I have been known to cry at Meg Ryan movies. Oh shit, that was Western Homes, nevermind. I'm 100% indie prick.

you really liked jar jar, didn't you?
Just because I bought a lot of Jar-Jar merch and talked like him to annoy my friends doesn't mean I liked him. Does it?

if you came in 3 flavors, what would they be?
Three flavors. Hm.
First off would have to be Pineapple Coca Krispees, as the juxtaposition of a fruit I hate and a chocolatey cereal I love would definitely give an insight to my inner turmoil. And make people vomit profusely.
The second one might have to be White Oprah flavor, since I don't know what it would taste like, but it scares me to the core, and that would emulate the frightening, unknown part of my psyche.
The third and final would be something nice, like Diet "Cleansing" Sprite, which has a touch of lemon-lime, and starts to burn your mouth if you swish too long.

question #6…what's up with that one chick?
The one on Ricki today? I don't know man. She was freakin' out. Take a chill pill, woman, you're on national television. Her sister was rather huge too. Like a White Oprah.

last question…who is the father of scully's baby?
Me. You might think it would be aliens or Mulder, but I had a cameo once as "Father of Scully's baby," and they let me go buck wild.

[you can now get your lovin' spoonfull of sebastian every day at signal drench. remember to tell him to lay off of the bon-bons…]