is your last name french or something? what the hell does it mean?
it is french canadian. it is a shortened version of the french name tanguay. it means "fuck off, i've heard all the insults and jokes because it's pronounced gay."

you said american boys can sometimes be cute. how do american boys go about being cute?
by pretending they are cuter than they actually are on their weblogs. sometimes, just sometimes, that can translate well into real life. i'll let you know if there's ever one with staying cute power. boys everywhere suck. except when they don't.
so on first judgement, would i be a "cute american boy", staying power not factored in?
in a self effacing sort of way, yes. you make me laugh. that is a heavy factor in cuteness.
what are some other factors? bushy emo eyebrows?
no, but i always make eyes at the indie boys walking down the street. however, i never do that at shows, mostly because i will see them at the next show, and the next show… and the next show. they will eventually have some indie girl that's cuter than me by their side.
other factors of cuteness:
witty remarks on life, the universe, and everything. good taste in music, but not snobbish. an ability to discuss heavy philosophical subjects, but also a need to watch brainless television.
i die for boys that wear rivers cuomo-like glasses, too. this isn't a boyfriend application.

does the expression "viva la france!" hold much weight, up there in canada? do people ever say "viva la canada!" and really mean it?
oh, dear. with regards to not being able to give a short canadian history lesson, let's just say this: french Canadians, mostly concentrated in quebec, have long been tossing around the concept of becoming their own country. i'm really neutral on the subject. quebec is, in my opinion, a distinct society, but they sure end up being snotty about it. canadians, on the other hand, are so unsure about their nationalism that it takes things like molson canadian beer commercials to stir up a frenzy. well, that and the hockey night in canada theme music.
there's an old joke that goes something like this:
what's a canadian's favourite sexual position?
doggy style, so they can both watch hockey night in canada.

do all cops dress like mounties up there?
no.
from their website: "the royal canadian mounted police is the canadian national police service and an agency of the ministry of the solicitor general of canada. The rcmp is unique in the world since it is a national, federal, provincial and municipal policing body. we provide a total federal policing service to all canadians and policing services under contract to the three territories, eight provinces (except ontario and quebec), approximately 198 municipalities and, under 172 individual agreements, to 192 first nations communities." in other words, they're the cops. they only get dressed up in red on special occasions.
that's a really boring answer, but i totally hate the stereotype.

being from the great white north, you'd probably be an authority on this…what would be the female equivalent of "ball-shrinkin' cold"?
nipples that can cut glass, baby.
sounds like some violent nipplage.
to avoid violent nipplage, wear warm clothes. to excite the alpha male, don't.
duly noted.
fuck sex and the city and their fake nipples. come to canada!

if you were turned into a monkey and were given a gun and 100 rounds of untraceable ammunition, what would be the first thing you'd do?
that's the stupidest question I've ever heard. dude, I'm a pacifist. It's a bad question to ask.
well…you can have the standard alternate: "6. when was the last time you stuffed something (or had something stuffed) up your ass?" i'd go with the monkey.
i'm waffling about which one to answer.
if you choose the latter, i will note that you declined to answer a "monkey" question.
haha. i'm so stuck. give me a minute.
tick tock.
here I thought you were going to say monkey or ass. you decide.
i'd go into showbiz. a talking monkey who knows too much about music and has a gun. pretty lucrative, i think.

ask yourself a question that reveals way too much about your sex life and then answer it, making sure to make a reference to a prodigious heroin habit.
q: kate, how sexually charged are you, really?
a: well, it all started when i discovered the lovely distraction of masturbation around age 12. few men have been able to make me climax like i can do for myself, but i find that to be true of many girls (men, read those maxim articles on how to please a woman!). among the most exciting masturbation escapades were times where i might be caught by others. one summer i was in montreal and had a roommate, so i'd time my love fests when i knew she'd be out, but perhaps if she came back early, she'd catch me. at the time i was reading naked lunch, which although is mighty fucked up because of burroughs' intense heroin habit, has some interesting sex bits that i was using as mental material to get off on. the world's your oyster when you're 15, horny, and culling masturbation material from the beat generation. so to answer your question, very. this is still not a boyfriend application, nor a fuck buddy application. at most it's a 'if you wanna get me a vibrator for christmas, bless you!' application.
post script: i've never been caught.

[kate has a website called quid pro quo where she posts semi-regularly. she can also be found over at 75 or less, showing the boys how it's done. she's the first canadian to ever be interviewed for "seven questions." she's apparently brutally honest, which is always a good thing.]